Today's Reading

MAKING THIS BOOK YOUR OWN

The way you look at things is the most powerful force in shaping your life.
JOHN O'DONOHUE

"She's always anxious, haven't you noticed?"

"I'm a trained psychologist who has panic attacks"'

"I can't persuade my partner/friend/child/brother to do anything out of the ordinary. Too much stress they say."

'"You think I'm self-assured! What a joke."'

"I used to like the push that tension and anxiety gave me. But then I found I was facing every moment as though it was a test."

"Until I had my first baby, I was fine. Since then, I see danger everywhere."

"What I worry most about is all too real. But I can't turn it off or tone it down."

Shifting your relationship with anxiety, if it is uncomfortable or limiting, shifts the way you see yourself. It also shifts the way you see and interact with other people. Understanding yourself and what's happening in your mind is never about your mind only. It's never about your body and mind only.

It's about your stance in the world.

Your name is not Anxious comes to you as a book to use, not just read. And to use in your own way. The core idea here can be life-changing: You are more than your anxiety, however controlling it may currently be. You are also much more than any emotions or thoughts that seem to be defeating you. But to bring that more complete, truer picture of yourself to life, it needs to become real to you.

This is not a book only "about" anxiety. There are plenty of those. It is first and foremost a book about you, and about how anxiety is limiting the way you see yourself.

I came to this writing after two hard years of observing in a beloved family member how dangerous anxiety can be when it is poorly understood and inadequately treated, even when that treatment is "evidence-based" and comes with the best of intentions. It was not only the loss of peace of mind that I witnessed, but it was also a serious loss of pleasure in living, joy in the small "ordinary" moments of existence, easy laughter, a sense of the ridiculous, and confidence in her own self-worth.

In some desperation, I asked myself repeatedly what insights would make a difference and whether a more generous view might soften the painful reactions and behaviors that trip someone up repeatedly, despite their courage and intelligence.

I reluctantly recognized, too, that all the reassurances in the world can't give someone else a more compassionate reality. It has to be sought. And found—not through any magic, but through undoing harmful attitudes, and welcoming truer, kinder interpretations and perspectives.

Persistent anxiety often follows depression, or vice versa. How could it not? The roots of anxiety run deep.

The potent mix of anxiety and depression has been my personal reality also, even though my own most intense periods of anxiety haven't taken me to the brink in the way my family member has endured. At the worst moments, she would say, anguished, "No one understands, no one understands."

Will you find some understanding here? I more than hope so. And self-understanding above everything. This changes the power of the Inner Critic, the undermining whispers that tell you everything is sure to be wrong, and nothing will ever be quite right. Those whisperings are powerful, and never empowering. They are fed by stress, panic, exhaustion, anxiety—and the physiological effects that rush through you. What can change? What you tell yourself, most of all. What you most identify with. What comes to feel dominant. Or less so. And the effect this has on your entire sense of being.

Storytelling is the default position of the brain. A limited view of yourself is corrosive. It causes increasing damage to your inner world, even if you can put on a bright face, or outwork any competitor. Piecemeal change to undermining thoughts is always possible. Yet, without a fundamental shift in how you see yourself, you remain vulnerable. You remain especially vulnerable to your need for other people to be reassuring or praising you before you can feel "real."
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